Overcommitment and Why it’s Hard to Slow Down
Phrases like I’m so busy and I’m burnt out have become staples in everyday talk. Overcommitment has become so common and even a bit trendy. I hear from countless people that they are spread too thin and consequently, they hustle harder. How sustainable is the concept and lifestyle of overcommitment? Read below to learn about reasons you may spread yourself too thin, ways this can impact you, and antidotes to overcommitment.
Reasons You May be Overcommitting Yourself
External validation: The desire to be seen as competent and capable can become addicting, especially in the age of social media. Our society worships hustle culture and there is an emotional high from others’ praise. If there isn’t a firm sense of self, there may be more reliance on praise.
Fear of missing out: You may hold a belief that if you don’t keep up, you’ll be left in the dust.
Chasing dopamine: In an effort to avoid boredom, some people chase an emotional high and seek out anything that will provide a “quick fix” of dopamine.
Distraction: Sometimes we overbook ourselves because of the emotional need to stay distracted from a difficult feeling such as loneliness. There may be a fear of what you might feel if you were to slow down and sit with yourself.
Attachment anxiety: For people who have an anxious attachment style, there could be a fear of saying “no” to plans. This may result in efforts to avoid anxiety by staying involved in every social plan and saying yes, even when you may want to say no.
What May it be Costing You?
First, let’s discuss the mind-body connection. When you are overcommitted, the nervous system is on high alert. This is associated with stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which make it hard to shift gears when you need to wind down. Consequently, it becomes difficult to manage transitions such as relaxing, sleeping, or being socially present.
When we overcommit ourselves, we rely so much on structure that we may develop a rigid adherence to how things “should” go. This makes it difficult to have psychological flexibility and adapt. This means when things don’t unfold as intended, it can create a great deal of stress and anxiety.
Another downside to overcommitment is that when we are spread thin, we are not fully absorbing the experiences we are presently engaging in. Social time can feel more transactional and less fulfilling. You may notice that while you were physically with others, you didn’t feel fully connected to them.
Also, if your overcommitment is fueled by external pressures such as keeping up with expectations of others, you can’t meet yourself as deeply as you may like. When we are meeting needs as defined by other people, we are not looking at our inner worlds – meaning our emotions, needs, and wants. This can result in a range of outcomes from not feeling fulfilled in certain scenarios to burnout.
Antidotes to Overcommitment
We are not able to facilitate change until we fully identify that overcommitment is the cause of a problem. Ask yourself what problems is overcommitment bringing up for me? There must be an awareness of how it is impacting you mentally, physically, and emotionally – and a willingness to choose differently.
Be mindful of the impact of technology and social media. There are ways this could propel overcommitment, for example, feeling the pressure to “keep up” after seeing everybody’s highlight reels.
Reassure yourself that it is okay to confront what you may perceive as a weakness. It’s okay to sit with the difficult feelings that may arise when you slow down. When people slow down and there’s a lot going on mentally and emotionally that they’re not accustomed to, they may try to numb and stay distracted, which leads to greater disconnection from the self. It’s important to ride the wave of discomfort and truly learn to be with yourself.
It’s one thing to experience slowing down but another thing to internalize the good aspects of it. Next time you slow down, savor a pleasant moment. Stay with it for a while instead of letting your attention shift away.
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